Directed by both Simon Helberg and his (unfortunate) wife Jocelyn Towne, We’ll Never Have Paris features Helberg’s (cringingly) semi-autobiographical proposal story in what appears to be something akin to a pseudo-Woody Allen picture.

This comparison to Allen’s directorial attitude regarding romance shows itself in more than just subject, location and quick-speech; We’ll Never Have Paris shovels out slimy neuroses and self-deprecation in ludicrous quantity. Despite said abundance of these idiosyncracies, Helberg’s central protagonist becomes entirely unfit for human consumption. By burying a quintessentially unlikable character in nearly insurmountable cinematic affectations, Helberg has truly shown that there’s no formula for charm.

Simon Helberg’s cringe-inducing (non)romantic comedy crudely force-feeds its characters on time-honoured flaws, only to watch on hopefully as the audience eventually gives in to its absurdity.



CAST: Melanie Lynskey, Zachary Quinto, Simon Helberg

DIRECTOR: Simon Helberg, Jocelyn Towne

WRITERS: Simon Helberg

SYNOPSIS: Quinn immediately regrets his decision to break up with his long-term girlfriend after “experimenting” with a colleague.