With Paul Walker’s untimely death, a number of projects have had to be put on hold. Fast and Furious 7 has decided to quietly retire Walker’s character with already-shot footage but what of the productions that had yet to begin filming? What of Agent 47, set to feature Walker as its titular assassin?
In addition to the death of its slated star, a number of other (lesser) problems have affected the series in recent years: one frankly terrible game and one snuffed out before it even saw the light of day. What this bald, barcoded, businesslike assassin needs is a shot in the arm: a dynamic casting decision that will redefine demographical paradigms and re-conceptualise the character’s appeal across the board. Here are five suggestions.
If you have a franchise, if no one else is worth writing about, and you have the name of his agent, maybe you can hire Idris Elba. No matter the franchise, Idris Elba will be the subject of rumours claiming he is set for the part; James Bond, Doctor Who, Agent 47, it’s all the same to the Hackney-born actor-fella, currently inspirin’ ’em up in Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom.
Having already played characters with some of the most impressive names in cinematic and televisual history – John Luther, Stacker Pentecost, Nelson Mandela, Derek – it might be time to take on a man with no name at all. What 47 offers is the chance to say not very much, wear nice suits and shoot things until they done gone exploded – there are worse ways to spend a few weeks.
Bruce Willis no longer plays characters; Bruce Willis plays John McClane. Whether it’s John McClane coming out of retirement to fight alongside John Malkovich or John McClane coming out of retirement to stop Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s foolish decisions in the past or John McClane coming out of retirement to do something related to G.I. Joe, Willis knows how to play to his strengths. Imagine: Agent – “here we go again” – 47 coming out of retirement for one last hit/to save the woman he loves/to get that damnable paycheque.
Absolution, the most recent video game outing for our atypical anti hero, sought to portray an older 47 with genuine motivations and responsibilities and everything. Sure it wasn’t any good, but there are few who play world-weary like Willis, and that might just be enough to convince us to give this direction another chance. Plus Bruce Willis is already bald. Timesaver.
Who says Hitman has be be a Hitman? Yes, respect for the source material and definition and logic, but with a certain number of insignificantly major tweaks, Hitman could have the definitive star of the moment, Jennifer Lawrence.
J-Law has already shown that she’s willing to hack her hair off, so why not go all the way and go bald? It worked for Natalie Portman, and we all could do to be more like Natalie Portman. Additionally, as Katniss Everdeen the girl’s shown a surprising aptitude with improvised weaponry; it’s no leap of logic to think that piano wire and rigged electric fences could convincingly make their way into Lawrence’s arsenal. And if Hitman can capture even half the audience of The Hunger Games, then parents likely aren’t paying enough attention to what films their children are watching.
Timothy Olyphant? As Agent 47? Impossible. Surely the star of Justified would be too busy to suit up and shave off? Well maybe not. Olyphant may have been a TV staple for the last decade, working through Deadwood, Damages and Justified, but there exists a certain gravitas to the man that fits with Agent 47’s permascowl.
We’re obviously not alone in thinking this either; there are numerous proficient photoshops on the internet showing Olyphant in Agent 47 garb, and he fits the bill pretty well. Add in a mysterious Olga Kurylenko-like beauty to femme his fatale and we’ve got a picture, people. A middling, modestly earning picture.
The Ghost of Telly Savalas
“Who loves ya, baby?” The most famous bald man this side of Winston Churchill, Telly Savalas is, sadly, dead – and has been for several years – but stranger comebacks have happened in Hollyweird.
The former Ernst Stavro Blofeld would no doubt jump at the opportunity to get back into acting after so many years out of the game, and having been famous for more often solving crimes than causing them, Savalas could offer a more considered take on a man whose career consists of knocking people out and stealing their outfits.
Plus, as a ghost, Savalas would probably be able to do a lot of his own stunts.
Have we hit the nail on the head? Or are we a misfiring hitman of epic proportions? Tell us what you think below.