It’s always worse when your parents tell you they’re not angry, they’re just disappointed. How would they react when you managed to achieve both, and yet neither at the same time? Wonder no more and say hello to 2018’s Robin Hood.

Having apparently watched Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur over someone’s shoulder on a flight and used the CTRL+F function on Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight script to replace the name ‘Batman’ for ‘Robin Hood,’ Otto Bathurst’s latest iteration of the folklore legend arrives in cinemas.

Robin of Loxley (Egerton) returns from the Crusades, alongside John (Foxx), to bring justice to the police state of Nottingham run by the Sheriff (Mendelsohn). With none of the gravitas, depth, or quality of Nolan’s work, nor the fun, excitement or self-awareness of Ritchie’s flawed film, Robin Hood is a deeply unpleasant experience.

The cast tries, but it’s shocking to see these talented actors deliver some career-worst performances across the board. The flaws do not stop here, with its cup truly overflowing with disappointments. The script is full of ugly dialogue and offers skin-deep characterisations. The CGI looks cheap, and the stop-start-slow-mo action, borrowing heavily from 2007’s 300, is outdated and hard to follow. It also boasts some of the worst pacing of a modern blockbuster you are likely to see. The production and costume design is also inappropriate and overdone, with the treatment of Marion (Hewson) particularly poor as she’s forced into push-up bras, heavy eye-liner, and leather jackets – all certainly available in the 12th century.

You feel angry, you feel disappointed and you feel nothing all at once. A truly bewildering experience.

One of the most peculiar, misjudged and poorly handled films of the year, where a story that nobody wanted is retold with little flair, sense or innovation. Robin Hood is a mess from top to bottom.

RATING: 1/5

INFORMATION

CAST: Taron Egerton, Jamie Foxx, Eve Hewson, Ben Mendelsohn, Jamie Dornan, Tim Minchin

DIRECTOR: Otto Bathurst

WRITERS: Ben Chandler, David James Kelly

SYNOPSIS: A war-hardened Crusader and his Moorish commander mount an audacious revolt against the corrupt English crown in a thrilling action-adventure packed with gritty battlefield exploits, mind-blowing fight choreography, and a timeless romance.