Two childhood sweethearts (Emily Blunt and Jamie Dornan) who have never quite managed to express their love for one another find themselves mixed up in a dispute over their families’ farmland. That is apparently what this film is about, but you could watch the entire thing and still not fully understand what the point of it all was. Wild Mountain Thyme caused a stir as soon as the first trailer was released, with shambolic Irish accents and apparently the entire (very thin) plot included in its two-minute runtime. The full film, however, is far worse than expected.

Shot like a ‘Visit Ireland’ marketing campaign, this film seems to serve as a world record attempt for most mentions of the country it’s set in. It’s a strange olde worlde Ireland that appears at first to be set in the 1950s, until Jon Hamm arrives like a time-traveller from the future (New York) and it becomes clear that this is supposed to be the modern day. It’s hugely patronising, painting an entire country as twee and out-of-touch (“Look, Dad, it’s a Rolls Royce!”).

The accents are so horrendous that you can’t help but laugh, with Blunt’s attempt unforgivable, but Christopher Walken’s version seemingly causing him some genuine pain.

The scene in which Dornan’s Anthony reveals his deep, dark secret that has kept him apart from his true love is genuinely one of the most bizarre film moments in recent history. You’ll rack your brains trying to work out if you’ve missed a key plot point somewhere, but no, this is actually how they have chosen to end the film.

The first half-hour delivers big laughs for all the wrong reasons, and the following 70 minutes will have you tearing your hair out in disbelief. A strange, ill-conceived film that feels like it’s actually going out of its way to embarrass its audience and its actors.

RATING: 1/5

INFORMATION

CAST: Emily Blunt, Jamie Dornan, Jon Hamm, Christopher Walken

DIRECTOR: John Patrick Shanley

WRITERS: John Patrick Shanley (written for the screen by), John Patrick Shanley (based on the play “Outside Mullingar” by)

SYNOPSIS: A pair of star-crossed lovers in Ireland get caught up in their family’s land dispute.